Episode 1: The First!/Transcript
00:01 ::Music 00:05 ::alright we're ready to go here alright 00:08 ::welcome to the last podcast on the left 00:10 ::first episode numero uno this is very 00:14 ::very exciting I am yours truly Benjamin 00:18 ::Kissel with my co-host the very talented 00:22 ::Marcus Parkes how you doing Ben I'm 00:25 ::doing pretty spooky this of course is 00:30 ::going to be a podcast dedicated to all 00:32 ::things horror as mr. Marcus Parks and 00:35 ::myself were abused as children both by 00:39 ::her parents friends and teachers which 00:42 ::of course led us to the dark arts that 00:44 ::is the horror world so as a true fans 00:48 ::and basically people with nothing else 00:53 ::to do with our lives no I mean there's a 00:55 ::big you at least have a girlfriend 00:56 ::myself I just have a big empty hole 00:58 ::where well I kind of have a big empty 01:00 ::hole as well 01:01 ::aka my girlfriend uh so you know we 01:05 ::decided to do a horror fan annex do and 01:07 ::start a podcast to discuss it and as 01:10 ::they say this will be a very funny 01:11 ::podcast as well a mr. Hitchcock Alfred 01:16 ::Hitchcock once said comedy is the no 01:19 ::horror is the ugly Siamese sister of 01:21 ::comedy so there are one in the same and 01:24 ::to start today's podcast off I feel like 01:27 ::I'm teaching the bible's lesson in a way 01:30 ::to some degree the complete opposite of 01:33 ::it yeah some extent it's biblical in a 01:35 ::way we decided we're going to talk about 01:37 ::the reasons that we fell in love with 01:38 ::comedy as I said earlier we were very 01:41 ::victimized as children which i think is 01:43 ::I think that's a trend amongst people 01:45 ::who enjoy horror I absolutely agree 01:48 ::because I was a child you know who is 01:50 ::very much bullied and all that stuff and 01:53 ::whenever you watch those movies I think 01:56 ::a lot of people would watch watch horror 01:58 ::movie slasher flicks and they're scared 02:00 ::and people like you and me watch poor 02:03 ::movies and slasher flicks and cheer 02:05 ::cheer and root on the killers which I 02:08 ::will say terrifies some women on a first 02:11 ::date 02:12 ::they they do not understand that you're 02:15 ::supposed to enjoy the John Rand to me I 02:17 ::mean I'll take H Ventura pet detective 02:19 ::and I'll say in on Friday 13th to was 02:22 ::slightly funnier it really was I mean it 02:25 ::was incredible and I think that's the 02:27 ::whole point uh one of my personal 02:29 ::favorites is Jason Voorhees I was one of 02:32 ::my favorite slasher killers of all time 02:33 ::simply because uh Jason is a he's 02:37 ::forever a victim yeah he's dead boy who 02:40 ::was drowned by terrible terrible camp 02:43 ::counselors well he was drowned more it 02:44 ::was more negligence than it was active 02:47 ::drowning but I think in law uh in in law 02:52 ::theory negligence they didn't do 02:55 ::anything to stop the boy from drowning 02:56 ::well they didn't really let mean they 02:58 ::were making out they were fucking over 03:00 ::on the dock they were sucking on each 03:01 ::other getting their teats all rock-hard 03:03 ::meanwhile Jason Voorhees crawled out of 03:06 ::bed around midnight he wanted to go eat 03:08 ::some fish fresh out of the lake you know 03:10 ::you he was an odd child we're not 03:12 ::talking about young Prince William over 03:14 ::here or anything like this it was a big 03:16 ::water head childhood bumps all over his 03:18 ::face he he looked like he had a whole 03:20 ::series of tumors going on so yes he went 03:23 ::out to the park they were all suck it 03:24 ::and screwing on each other ends up by 03:26 ::you know drowning the lake and forever 03:30 ::from then on he he has to go and he has 03:33 ::to kill the people who he deems did not 03:35 ::save his ass well true horror fans will 03:38 ::know this but some most people a lot of 03:40 ::people don't Jason does not appear in 03:42 ::Friday the 13th part one and his famous 03:44 ::hockey mask does not come until Friday 03:46 ::the 13th part three thank God because in 03:49 ::front of the 13th part two he just wore 03:50 ::that bag over his head he looked like a 03:52 ::large sack of potatoes this is not 03:53 ::frightening this looks like something 03:55 ::that was just farmed it is pitiful you 03:59 ::know they actually made an action figure 04:01 ::of uh Friday the 13th part to Jason and 04:04 ::it's it's still it looks so pitiful it's 04:07 ::something that you look at it in you 04:08 ::giggle it's like he's holding a he's 04:10 ::hold the pitchfork and he's got his 04:11 ::overalls in the big sack yeah it's just 04:15 ::awful yeah there is there's nothing less 04:17 ::terrifying than seeing a man in a potato 04:19 ::sack that is not a scary look that it 04:22 ::looks 04:23 ::new look you gotta get a new outfit 04:24 ::although I do think hipsters in 04:26 ::Williamsburg are would probably take to 04:28 ::that trend similar to how they were all 04:30 ::dressed as Native Americans three years 04:32 ::ago oh they love that yes so I was in a 04:34 ::band at the time with a guy who is told 04:36 ::that word moccasins everywhere and 04:38 ::thought he was original unbelievable 04:40 ::right that guy he deserved to die in 04:42 ::horror movie absolutely he totally 04:44 ::decided to die in a horror movie he 04:46 ::should have been we should have killed 04:47 ::him let me ask you a question do you see 04:50 ::people just say on the street on the 04:51 ::subway and you think like that person 04:54 ::should die like that person should have 04:56 ::a machete shoved right into their throat 04:58 ::oh my goodness all the time I was 05:00 ::walking up I was on the L train 05:02 ::yesterday I'm going down and there's 05:05 ::always a homeless person right on the 05:07 ::garb homeless people hang out near 05:09 ::garbage cans for some reason I don't 05:11 ::know why perhaps there they're there to 05:13 ::pick up the random wrappers that get 05:15 ::flown out that don't quite make it in or 05:17 ::maybe when people someone throws away 05:19 ::their chicken burrito there that's 05:21 ::called fresh cooking if you get it as 05:22 ::soon as it hits the garbage and you grab 05:24 ::it that's that's the freshest meal 05:25 ::they're going to get all that so there's 05:28 ::this fella coming up the steps but six 05:30 ::feet tall very thin he sounded extremely 05:32 ::gay and I dressed extremely well very 05:35 ::hipster looks at the guy says oh get a 05:37 ::job get a job on Christ I have never 05:40 ::actually heard anybody say that New York 05:41 ::City before especially to this kind of 05:44 ::homeless person this wasn't like a 05:45 ::homeless fellow who had any ability to 05:49 ::get it I don't want him to have a job 05:50 ::the man he was he was extremely 05:53 ::unattractive he was somehow fat as a 05:55 ::homeless people are I don't know well 05:57 ::they just drink beer they just drink 05:58 ::beer yeah and then of course eat fatty 06:00 ::foods out of the garbage all empty 06:02 ::calories all empty calories and they're 06:03 ::not exactly joining Club fit or anything 06:05 ::like that which is a weight weight loss 06:07 ::place in Stevens Point Wisconsin the 06:09 ::nobodies I heard about but but yet that 06:13 ::person who said get a job to the 06:14 ::homeless fella who obviously could never 06:15 ::have a job nor do I want to have a job 06:17 ::you mentioned the homeless guy was your 06:18 ::waiter the next day you saw him out on 06:21 ::the street being homeless and then the 06:22 ::next day you're at Benny's burritos and 06:24 ::he's serving you a plate of fresh food 06:26 ::I'd stay homeless yeah 06:28 ::that fellow it would have been beautiful 06:30 ::to see him skewered like a piece of 06:33 ::pepper and and beef and then another 06:35 ::piece of pepper and then the 06:36 ::mushroom ah uh with a beautiful 06:38 ::beautiful skier because he was a total a 06:40 ::dreadful beast man 06:41 ::and you see those people all over the 06:43 ::place that uh that just need Denise 06:46 ::that's the thing about like Jason 06:48 ::Voorhees he's a humble boy he is and 06:51 ::what really what brought him back to 06:52 ::life was when they killed his mother in 06:54 ::the first episode in the first uh in the 06:56 ::first film you know his mother loved him 06:59 ::very much she had to go on a spree so 07:01 ::obviously it's in his code to sort of 07:03 ::like be able to use a machete of course 07:05 ::and that's the thing he he doesn't 07:06 ::necessarily kill teenagers because he 07:09 ::was drowned kills teenagers because 07:10 ::teenagers kill his mother that's the 07:11 ::thing now going back to being very 07:13 ::humble he doesn't even care that he's 07:14 ::dead frankly his life probably wasn't 07:16 ::that great it was pretty bad yeah eating 07:18 ::crayons and sucking down paste like it 07:20 ::was you know doger just a few steps 07:22 ::below the elephant man oh yeah that's 07:25 ::sad yeah that's very sad so I think 07:28 ::that's what leads to the love of the 07:30 ::horror characters as you're a child and 07:32 ::uh frankly that's the thing and 07:35 ::especially growing up high school kids 07:36 ::are the worst which i think is why they 07:38 ::tend to be the victims mm-hmm 07:40 ::in horror films I always enjoy the 07:42 ::victims of horror films because each one 07:44 ::represents about I would say like thirty 07:47 ::million people of the population they're 07:49 ::all douchey in their own different way 07:50 ::some are nerdy and douchey some are very 07:53 ::attractive some are just very 07:54 ::promiscuous I mean you gotta go and of 07:57 ::course the reason that we would die or 07:58 ::though not any longer for you but with 08:01 ::the marijuana and the drinking still 08:03 ::drinking heavily oh absolutely no what 08:05 ::movie was that the nerdy guy who died in 08:07 ::Friday the 13th part four that we 08:11 ::watched a big fat scary Thursday's was 08:13 ::that part for the guys for yeah the guy 08:15 ::who caught the character who constantly 08:17 ::tried getting laid but all the woman all 08:19 ::none of the women would let him and he 08:21 ::found the pornographic stash of old like 08:24 ::porno movies with the reel-to-reel 08:25 ::that's right he just sat there getting 08:28 ::stoned all the time he died I mean 08:30 ::that's what he did died an amazing death 08:32 ::and he died extremely stoned yeah which 08:35 ::is how you got to go oh that and that is 08:37 ::the most terrifying death possible it 08:39 ::okay on acid that's probably the most 08:41 ::excuse me terrifying death I mean do you 08:44 ::think it's more terrifying to be sober 08:46 ::and stalked by a Jason type character or 08:49 ::an acid because if you're on acid you 08:51 ::can still have the delusion that it's 08:53 ::fake yeah 08:54 ::but it sobered your entire world just 08:58 ::comes shattering right down on you hmm 09:00 ::definitely sober you you're gonna go so 09:03 ::girl I could survive maybe I mean you 09:06 ::hear about those people who were on acid 09:07 ::and they jump out of like a 15 story 09:09 ::window and survive simply because 09:11 ::they're so crazy that their body doesn't 09:14 ::react properly and they're still 09:15 ::loosey-goosey yeah that's why it's like 09:17 ::in DUI situations when someone's driving 09:19 ::drunk they hit a car odds are the sober 09:21 ::person's gonna die because the sober 09:23 ::person recognizes is in the brain that 09:25 ::they're about to crash their body tenses 09:26 ::up everything goes you know broken next 09:29 ::thing you know their their heart has 09:30 ::stopped and they're on their way to the 09:32 ::morgue never to be revived again because 09:34 ::they are not super demon beasts who are 09:36 ::drowned as children but when you're when 09:39 ::you're drunk you can really you can 09:40 ::survive at all so I'm gonna go I'm gonna 09:42 ::go with I don't know what I'm gonna go 09:45 ::with weed and booze okay that's a pretty 09:47 ::good combination yeah I'd like to go I'd 09:49 ::go booze myself cuz I get a little bit 09:51 ::more nerve whenever I got booze you know 09:53 ::you make it definitely you make a few 09:54 ::more split decisions that some may be 09:57 ::right a lot of some might be wrong a lot 09:59 ::of them right a lot of right and frankly 10:01 ::when you're being chased by a Jason 10:02 ::Voorhees type any decision you make you 10:04 ::just gotta make it 100% 10:06 ::yeah get on going because you know you 10:08 ::hesitate for even a second look back you 10:11 ::know next thing you know you fell over a 10:12 ::small twig and Jason's right over you 10:15 ::and he's gonna you know stab you right 10:16 ::in the old heart yeah so who would you 10:18 ::say is your uh who do you imitate your 10:22 ::life after as far as the is as far as 10:24 ::the horror characters go uh you know I'd 10:27 ::say uh okay are we talking like just 10:30 ::characters in any horror movies are we 10:32 ::talking killers I'm talking well I'm 10:35 ::thinking more monsters right now it can 10:37 ::just be killers I'm thinking somebody 10:39 ::that you as you saw as a child that you 10:42 ::related to and that's why whenever they 10:45 ::would be for example I'm also the same 10:46 ::very similar with Leatherface yeah you 10:48 ::know the man was just so deformed and 10:50 ::the mother just they all made fun of him 10:52 ::they all teased him oh my poor boy 10:55 ::there's a lot of poor boy talk and I 10:58 ::always enjoyed that because I was also a 10:59 ::mama's boy 11:00 ::yeah and kids teased me and that's why 11:02 ::just 11:03 ::take a chainsaw to their legs myself I'm 11:06 ::more of a Freddy guy I love Fred always 11:08 ::always happen I love Freddy because you 11:10 ::know I'm I'm kind of skinny like Freddy 11:12 ::and we know there's you know and you can 11:14 ::go into their dreams you don't have to 11:15 ::actually like confront them because 11:17 ::you're a big hulking beast right I acted 11:19 ::totally everyone likes what they are 11:21 ::yeah everyone everyone likes they are 11:23 ::you know and he was kind of witty and 11:24 ::snappy a lot of imagination involved fat 11:27 ::whenever I was a kid I got I don't know 11:30 ::I was probably nine ten something like 11:32 ::that and I went to a costume store you 11:35 ::know because Halloween was always be on 11:36 ::my favorite holiday the best holiday 11:39 ::went to it went to a costume store and 11:41 ::got the full-on like Freddy makeup like 11:44 ::you had to really put some effort in 11:46 ::which I love that they sell to children 11:48 ::by the way oh yes a pedophile and 11:51 ::they're like but kids 11:52 ::go be Freddy em and I got like the Hat I 11:56 ::got a sweater uh and I got the little 11:59 ::like the the glove the one that was like 12:01 ::cloth and rubber cool I would just that 12:04 ::I would just wear around always right I 12:06 ::just always had it on my hand but I 12:09 ::remember I went you know we were doing 12:12 ::door-to-door trick-or-treating al it 12:14 ::grew up in a very small town with a 12:16 ::bunch of old people that they got no 12:18 ::idea what the fuck's going on in the 12:19 ::world 12:19 ::no and I knocked on this old woman's 12:22 ::door she opened the door and just stared 12:25 ::at me and opened her screen door but 12:28 ::would not take her eyes off me open the 12:31 ::screen door grab some candy put it in my 12:34 ::bag and then just walked back into her 12:38 ::house like backed away to her house 12:40 ::didn't say a fuckin word that seems 12:42 ::extremely creepy it was soaked I'll 12:44 ::never forget the look on this woman's 12:46 ::face it also seems as if perhaps she's 12:48 ::had dreams about Freddy Krueger at some 12:51 ::point in her life could be and then she 12:52 ::saw a mini-version little Fred's coming 12:57 ::to her door that would be very petrified 12:58 ::yeah like a tiny 9 10 year old kid you 13:00 ::were saying your neighbors are very far 13:02 ::away and that's because you grew up in 13:04 ::Texas yes and which hey there's not a 13:06 ::lot in Texas except for land space 13:09 ::cattle and farts yeah it was much all of 13:11 ::this and that is where I grew up the the 13:13 ::land of uh you know space cattle farts 13:16 ::cotton nothing my nearest neighbor was 13:18 ::at two miles away and growing up I mean 13:21 ::as I the person I emulated wanted to be 13:23 ::was Freddie right that was the one that 13:25 ::I loved you know Freddie's a bit more of 13:28 ::an urbanist I uh you know Kent kind of 13:30 ::character of course and Leatherface was 13:32 ::who fucking terrified me because even 13:35 ::before I saw Friday or even before I saw 13:37 ::Texas Chainsaw Massacre 13:39 ::I my biggest fear was Drifters oh yeah 13:43 ::because you know we lived on a like 13:45 ::secluded area and every once in a while 13:47 ::you'd have people just like walking up 13:48 ::to the house in the middle of the night 13:50 ::because their car broke down or whatever 13:52 ::my dad walked outside with the gun in 13:54 ::his hand many a time and sometimes 13:56 ::people would like oh we fucked up we 13:58 ::were going to come do something bad but 14:02 ::no that guy has a gigantic 357 manyou go 14:06 ::away and then you go away well which is 14:08 ::equally it's funny because both of those 14:10 ::fears so the home invasion fear on your 14:13 ::end you know it's similar to like them 14:16 ::or or I forget the last home invasion 14:19 ::film with with that Liv Tyler gal to 14:21 ::remake oh yeah the I remember the one 14:25 ::where she got got revenge or something 14:26 ::like some bullshit like that what was 14:28 ::the name of that the stranger sadness 14:31 ::strangers strangers so there was that 14:33 ::horror theme going on with your father 14:35 ::grabbing the gun being like who are 14:36 ::these people coming to my house yeah and 14:38 ::then those the other horror theme going 14:40 ::on if the car broke down in the middle 14:41 ::of nowhere in a Texas town that you've 14:43 ::never been to before you just got some 14:45 ::drugs from fucking Mexico you just want 14:46 ::to get back to North Carolina smoke them 14:48 ::and tell your friends what a terrible 14:50 ::state Texas is your car breaks down 14:52 ::you're walking in the middle of the 14:53 ::woods you see a large house you're like 14:55 ::oh my god alright thank God finally 14:57 ::somebody can help me and those houses 14:59 ::littered the landscape where I came from 15:03 ::like they were those big huge like Texas 15:06 ::Chainsaw they were everywhere and they 15:07 ::were all abandoned yeah I mean all of 15:10 ::them because now there's no people 15:11 ::didn't build their houses next to 15:13 ::anything never like I go we gotta leave 15:15 ::now because I thought this was gonna be 15:17 ::a huge development I thought there's be 15:19 ::a Walmart popping up here any second 15:20 ::yeah it just never came nothing so that 15:24 ::the guy comes to your house and he sees 15:25 ::an old man 15:27 ::now with a handgun so in his mind this 15:30 ::totally innocent part both innocent 15:31 ::people to some degree equally terrified 15:34 ::I've just fallen in to some tobe Hooper 15:37 ::nightmare immediately so both horror 15:40 ::themes are being expressed and it just 15:42 ::leads to both people being terrified at 15:45 ::all times yeah absolutely and the first 15:47 ::time I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre I was 15:50 ::I think like 11 or 12 or something like 15:53 ::that and my nature watches great age and 15:56 ::my parents used to leave me home alone 15:59 ::from the time of like 11 or 12 on like 16:02 ::they go out and do shit like a market 16:04 ::scene take care of himself and they'd go 16:06 ::like and whenever they do that they let 16:08 ::me go to the video store video mania 16:11 ::rate limit great horror section and I go 16:14 ::straight to the horse section and I got 16:16 ::Texas Chainsaw Matt just always get 16:18 ::horror movies and rent those and you 16:21 ::know my parents were gone out in the 16:23 ::middle of nowhere its pitch black 16:24 ::everywhere around me there are no lights 16:26 ::or anything like that pitch-black and 16:28 ::I'm watching tank check Texas Chainsaw 16:30 ::Massacre and the first thing it's like 16:32 ::the fucking first scene you know 16:34 ::whenever right after uh John what was 16:38 ::his name the guy Voight know the guy 16:40 ::from Night Court Oh John something that 16:43 ::he did the narration yeah but whenever 16:46 ::they first show the fucking cemetery 16:48 ::after they've done the grave robbing and 16:50 ::you hear the radio in the background uh 16:52 ::uh they they on the radio you can hear 16:56 ::them mention where all this happened and 16:59 ::they say Childress Texas Childress is an 17:03 ::hour and a half north of where I grew up 17:06 ::I knew exactly where Childress Texas was 17:09 ::that is terrifying so did they they 17:11 ::filmed it there as well no they filmed 17:13 ::it in Austin or outside of Austin okay 17:16 ::but it looked pretty similar looked or 17:17 ::very similar out like I knew where this 17:21 ::town was I knew that it was in close 17:23 ::product I'm in in Texas an hour and a 17:25 ::half two hours is very close proximity 17:26 ::oh that's not considered too far to 17:28 ::travel someplace not at all so your car 17:31 ::breaks down somewhere there is pretty 17:33 ::much a 90% chance that you're at least 17:35 ::an hour away from anything I'd say 17:37 ::there's a well not an hour 17:39 ::I mean any kind of big town or anything 17:41 ::like that at least 15 miles maybe 20 I 17:46 ::love it dependent yeah I mean the 17:48 ::isolation alone in that situation is 17:50 ::terrifying and I said nearest neighbor 17:52 ::two miles away uh 17:53 ::so if anything happens quick I got 17:55 ::nowhere to go like say like say someone 17:58 ::comes in like my parents before the days 18:00 ::of cellphones right you know like never 18:03 ::they probably have cell phones now with 18:04 ::no reception out there anyway yeah yeah 18:06 ::it happens all the time yeah uh and 18:08 ::there's no cell phones whatsoever and 18:11 ::then the first trichter shows up oh my 18:14 ::god 18:15 ::right off the bat fucking director that 18:19 ::they pay like my worst not only are my 18:21 ::worst feels real I my worst fears 18:23 ::realized on film but it's going on an 18:28 ::hour and a half from where I am at that 18:30 ::moment in the middle of the night alone 18:32 ::in the basement of your home well we 18:34 ::didn't have a basement but alone let 18:36 ::alone at in my home uh and it just 18:40 ::fucking it scared the holy living Chad 18:42 ::never had a movie scare me that much my 18:44 ::before sense I love it I love that 18:46 ::feeling so much when I was a kid the 18:47 ::movie that did that for me that I saw 18:49 ::when I was 11 years old with Stephen 18:50 ::King's it oh yeah which it's a funny 18:52 ::standard for people of our generation 18:54 ::it's a standard and it was on television 18:57 ::all the time 18:58 ::one of the only ones you could really 18:59 ::actually watch and you kind of trick 19:01 ::your parents into thinking it was okay 19:03 ::for you to see and that would that was 19:05 ::the first one that just I couldn't go to 19:07 ::the bathroom I had to have my friend 19:09 ::wait outside the door for me to go to 19:11 ::the bathroom yeah but as soon as I 19:13 ::watched that movie as soon as it was 19:14 ::done I started again I just watched 19:16 ::immediately watched it again 19:17 ::and there's something that's what I 19:19 ::watched II see in the next day you yeah 19:21 ::yeah you just go in these King I'm at 19:22 ::scene cut scene here like a thousand 19:24 ::times 19:24 ::oh yeah now on the special collector's 19:26 ::edition like it's beautiful it's amazing 19:28 ::and once you have that initial fear it 19:30 ::never really goes away so even I even 19:33 ::now the graphics for it are insane like 19:35 ::you know when when Pennywise is coming 19:37 ::through in the shower and he spreads the 19:38 ::the whole the drain hole open it it's so 19:42 ::claymation and awful and like pathetic 19:44 ::looking and but at that time it was 19:46 ::unbelievable and I still get scared as 19:49 ::hell when I see that damn clown and I 19:51 ::just always will until I die yeah 19:53 ::a funny thing about that was uh uh that 19:56 ::guy that played the clown also uh Rocky 19:58 ::Horror Picture Show Tim Curry Tim Curry 20:00 ::he was slightly scary in the rocky or 20:01 ::pictures lightly he also uh played a 20:04 ::bellhop in a home alone - oh is that 20:07 ::what it was now well he was a front desk 20:08 ::guy played a butler in clue well hey we 20:11 ::know a lot about Tim Curry Wow how does 20:13 ::that happen 20:14 ::I guess we're homosexuals I had no idea 20:18 ::but that's the thing that's the other 20:20 ::thing you know going back to being 20:23 ::scared and all those things once you 20:25 ::watch a horror movie you get the fear 20:27 ::but then you watch it again you keep on 20:29 ::watching it you beat this you beat the 20:31 ::fear yeah you know and that's what 20:32 ::that's what I think that I the John R is 20:34 ::all about the genre is all about 20:36 ::experiencing things that you would never 20:37 ::want to experience in real life so when 20:39 ::you do experience them in real life 20:41 ::you'll be a little bit more ready it's 20:43 ::not quite that bad it's not quite that 20:46 ::bad I think that's gonna be like I got a 20:48 ::little bit more of a stomach for for 20:50 ::life you know I think about death so 20:52 ::much only because I just don't want to 20:55 ::be scared when I finally die 20:58 ::I mean I think the death needs to be 21:00 ::discussed more so that's what's so great 21:02 ::about the horror films I mean they don't 21:03 ::glorify it or anything like that it 21:04 ::looks terrible yeah you know but frankly 21:07 ::watching somebody get beheaded on a 21:10 ::horror film desensitizes you enough to 21:13 ::the fact that it happens in real life 21:15 ::and it lets you take take things with a 21:18 ::little more levity yeah and a little bit 21:20 ::more like well they just died yeah I 21:23 ::guess that's the one and it's kind of a 21:25 ::funny thing like the that's always um 21:26 ::it's always thing that kind of uh it's a 21:29 ::it's a reassurance in a way the worst 21:31 ::thing that can happen to you yeah you 21:33 ::just die yeah you know I mean actually 21:35 ::the worst thing that could happen to you 21:36 ::is to be buried alive yeah and oh god 21:39 ::loli slowly died yeah I would have 21:43 ::really fucks with me a lot I'd rather be 21:44 ::burned alive and buried alive really 21:46 ::yeah 21:47 ::Wow very interesting I think that if you 21:50 ::get burned alive you you tend to die 21:52 ::pretty quickly from the from the fumes 21:54 ::alone right yeah yeah you die / but it 21:57 ::also depends on say if you're in a like 21:59 ::say you're in a house fire or something 22:00 ::like that like you're going to die from 22:02 ::smoke inhalation before you die from 22:03 ::being burned alive right but say someone 22:06 ::just you know dumps 22:07 ::gasps onion light she on fire it's going 22:10 ::to be very painful but it Cindy is going 22:12 ::to be extremely painful but that tear is 22:14 ::going to be so concentrated that it's 22:17 ::not I'd much rather have like quick 22:19 ::concentrated terror in which I'm not 22:22 ::really even going to know what's going 22:23 ::on all that much you know I think to 22:25 ::compute the brain confusion yeah yeah 22:27 ::the brain bution is just going to be 22:28 ::ridiculous but being buried alive 22:30 ::like that's going to take a long time 22:32 ::you would have to starve to death I mean 22:34 ::it could take weeks no you'll run an 22:36 ::oxygen long before that oh yeah I 22:38 ::suppose that's true that's true 22:40 ::I would say if you could be if you had 22:42 ::to be killed by one horror character 22:44 ::I'll give you five will give you a 22:46 ::Leatherface Freddy Krueger Jason 22:47 ::Voorhees Michael Myers or pinhead what 22:51 ::death are you taking in why Jesus Christ 22:53 ::well pinhead and you know the Krueger 22:56 ::those are both out it's suffering like 22:59 ::that is enough fuck around yeah Hal ray 23:01 ::our pinhead that suffering uh Freddie 23:04 ::that's just pure terror 23:06 ::I'm guessing Voorhees because he's a 23:08 ::quick kill guy he is a quick kill gun 23:10 ::kind of sneaks up on you before you know 23:11 ::your head's gone yeah that's exactly 23:13 ::what about you ah man you know the thing 23:17 ::is it's tough because I see what you're 23:19 ::saying about Freddy yeah and I 23:22 ::definitely don't want pinhead and it is 23:24 ::the worst I don't want any I want my 23:26 ::skin on my body when I die yeah I don't 23:29 ::need all of my body parts but I want all 23:30 ::of the skin um so Devon up in head I 23:33 ::would say leather face but you know they 23:38 ::leather face every time he cuts off your 23:41 ::bone it goes up let's say he cuts off 23:43 ::your leg then he always assaults the 23:45 ::wound yeah then he keeps you hanging up 23:47 ::on a hook 23:48 ::anything hook related to similar with 23:49 ::Hellraiser I don't want any hooks in me 23:51 ::now never so not uh not leather face 23:54 ::Mike Myers the butcher knife is that's a 23:57 ::painful he had to painful death yeah and 23:59 ::you're not gonna you're gonna take a 24:01 ::little bit to bleed out from that one 24:03 ::unless you get your right in the temple 24:04 ::or right in the heart you're gonna bleed 24:06 ::out yeah yeah that's true and you know 24:08 ::to be just looking at a blank William 24:10 ::Shatner face I can't have that be my 24:12 ::last visual either um and then of course 24:15 ::there's Jason which I agree is a quick 24:17 ::kill but who I would want to die 24:19 ::would be Freddie simple because first of 24:21 ::all sleeping is my favorite activity so 24:24 ::if I fell asleep one night and I just 24:27 ::never woke up I would die doing what I 24:30 ::loved most that's that's true and there 24:33 ::is something about dreamworld which I 24:36 ::know you like feel the pain and you 24:38 ::really die in real life but you know if 24:41 ::I have to if he turns me into a 24:42 ::cockroach and then put me into a large 24:45 ::cockroach hotel and I get glue trapped 24:47 ::and I have to tear my arms off and 24:49 ::whatnot 24:49 ::my favorite Freddie death by the way 24:50 ::it's pretty awesome yeah I mean I would 24:53 ::look down and be like that's pretty cool 24:55 ::macaque Roach turned me into like this 24:57 ::thing that I never thought I would ever 24:59 ::be yeah and now I am or you know you 25:01 ::probably also hear a couple of good 25:03 ::jokes before you die that's the thing 25:05 ::he's a charmer yeah yeah and of course 25:07 ::he's going to stroke you off uh if I was 25:10 ::a younger boy perhaps I've outgrown him 25:12 ::so yeah I would go Freddy Krueger he is 25:14 ::he's funny he's charming he's witty you 25:16 ::get to die while you're sleeping uh 25:19 ::there's always a large blood bath he can 25:20 ::turn you into any series of things and a 25:22 ::lot of times he lets the people think 25:24 ::that they're having a good a good time 25:26 ::yeah you know I got Johnny Depp and the 25:29 ::very first one with the waterbed thing 25:31 ::Johnny Depp was having a great time yeah 25:32 ::I was they needed them with the 25:34 ::wonderful blood spill and yeah I mean 25:36 ::what's the kid yeah that one kid Allah 25:39 ::he was playing video games with the 25:40 ::child where the I mean if I was a video 25:42 ::gamer I would think if I could die being 25:45 ::a video game character that's pretty 25:47 ::badass that's pretty badass indeed yeah 25:49 ::it's not bad at all so I feel like 25:50 ::Freddy fulfills a fantasy in some degree 25:53 ::of course then he kills you but if I was 25:54 ::gonna die I'm going Freddy all right I 25:56 ::can dig that absolutely yeah all right 25:59 ::so we got to do of course we have you 26:01 ::want to do this movie review real quick 26:03 ::yeah let's do it you just saw an amazing 26:05 ::movie that I think a couple of people 26:07 ::out there probably only seen the trailer 26:09 ::and I know whenever I saw the trailer 26:11 ::you don't really know whether to take it 26:12 ::seriously or not but you love this movie 26:14 ::what is it the movie is called rubber 26:17 ::it's a it's a fantastic film I'm telling 26:19 ::you it's one of the most original films 26:21 ::since Marcus Parks here turned me onto 26:23 ::the prune Brothers school on xhamster if 26:26 ::you get a chance check that out that's 26:27 ::horror it was directed written by this 26:30 ::Quinton do pokes do 26:32 ::pekes do pouch to POS do P Oaks D Co and 26:36 ::I will say the film completely shatters 26:38 ::a third wall it brings you right in 26:39 ::there's there's an audience in the film 26:42 ::watching the film with the audience it's 26:44 ::really bizarre by the end I felt like I 26:46 ::deserved a sag card I'm telling you it 26:48 ::was a really it was really amazing it's 26:50 ::basically about a telekinetic tire and 26:53 ::as the powers of the telekinetic powers 26:55 ::and it goes through town blowing 26:56 ::people's heads off which it's you know a 26:58 ::pretty fantastic way to die if I I would 27:01 ::say if I did have to die anyway getting 27:04 ::the head blown off is one of my favorite 27:05 ::ways to go not be a great one yeah 27:07 ::instant instant and you know the stories 27:10 ::everyone says before they die they would 27:12 ::get the flashbacks of everything they've 27:13 ::done in their life I do not want that I 27:15 ::want no record no recollection before I 27:18 ::die of the terrible things I've done to 27:20 ::people and I'm not even sure my brain 27:22 ::can remember them I'm drunk so so much 27:25 ::uh so I would say this uh do Poe 27:27 ::character is absolutely brilliant the 27:29 ::whole film is about how there is no 27:31 ::reason in movies uh and there is no 27:34 ::reason in this film there is like not 27:36 ::there's nothing that explains why it 27:37 ::exists and frankly there's no reason why 27:40 ::it shouldn't exist which i think is sort 27:42 ::of the point and so I would say this 27:45 ::movie is a the tire is extremely human 27:48 ::they somehow like similar like they did 27:50 ::with Wally uh-huh you know they so they 27:52 ::took this tire and they made it like 27:54 ::they gave it like actual human emotion 27:55 ::somehow and it's a what I say is 28:00 ::described as a victim fighting for 28:02 ::survival in a world in a human world I 28:04 ::mean tires are abused yeah they are and 28:06 ::going back to what we were talking about 28:07 ::earlier with with all the characters 28:09 ::every horror character is always abused 28:10 ::I can't imagine a worse life than being 28:13 ::a tire yeah it's the worst your read on 28:15 ::the entire time when you when you start 28:17 ::to go flat they just kick you you're a 28:18 ::slave you're a slave to a you know a 28:20 ::toyota which is awful 28:23 ::so as with all good horror characters 28:25 ::the tire is a sympathetic antihero we 28:28 ::live vicariously through as it kills the 28:30 ::representation of all that we hated 28:32 ::growing up yeah which is small-town 28:34 ::local yokels and to have very stupid 28:37 ::sheriff's so if you see one movie this 28:40 ::summer I say see Arthur but if you see 28:42 ::the two I say see Arthur again but then 28:45 ::if you see 28:46 ::three make sure to watch rubber endorsed 28:49 ::right here but the last podcast on the 28:51 ::left you heard it first absolutely 28:53 ::well that was fun it was great all right 28:56 ::and now we're going to talk in studio 28:58 ::we're very very lucky to have our first 29:02 ::guest and he will be here quite often oh 29:04 ::yes this guy is amazing I met him right 29:06 ::before we came in here to the studio 29:07 ::very interesting character well we only 29:11 ::have two chairs here in the studios have 29:14 ::been you're gonna have to leave all 29:17 ::right I'm going to take off and let's 29:23 ::welcome into the studio Ouija Ouija yes 29:28 ::great to have you here are you doing 29:30 ::well yes that's great so you're here to 29:33 ::tell us about a Rob Zombie's new movie 29:35 ::the Lords of Salem yes ha that's 29:38 ::wonderful 29:39 ::it being that you're a bit of a specter 29:41 ::yourself what do you think about a Rob 29:43 ::Zombie's new film about the Salem witch 29:45 ::trials and the Salem witch trials uh we 29:48 ::we lost a lot of good witches to those 29:51 ::honky-ass crackers I I remember back 29:53 ::then people used to try to get demons 29:55 ::like me out of women by drowning hanging 29:58 ::hell even raping but ever would know the 30:02 ::only way to kill a demon is with love 30:04 ::Wow that's very interesting 30:07 ::so back to zombies movie it seems like 30:09 ::this one is gonna really hit home for 30:11 ::you yes can you remember any of your 30:14 ::spirit friends that you lost during the 30:16 ::Salem witch trials yes I lost many bad 30:19 ::friends of course not bad meeting bad 30:22 ::but bad meaning good hey that's a Run 30:25 ::DMC lured Peter Peppers wrote it where 30:27 ::do you think they got the lyric from 30:29 ::Sorry Sorry calm down I didn't realize 30:32 ::that you contributed so much to pop 30:34 ::culture uh but anyway you were saying 30:36 ::about bad friends lost yes I lost many 30:39 ::some were demons I met here in hell 30:41 ::others were ghosts of people I once 30:44 ::haunted Oh a witch's mainly mmm very 30:47 ::interesting so you were close with the 30:49 ::people you hunted didn't they resent the 30:51 ::fact that you took over their bodies 30:53 ::does a heroin addict regret the fact 30:56 ::he's high yes but I am NOT here 30:59 ::I am a demon spirit that opens the eyes 31:02 ::of mere mortals and allows them to see 31:04 ::the great beyond that can only be 31:06 ::described as staring into the butthole 31:08 ::of an abyss 31:09 ::yeah but then you know people would be 31:13 ::burned or drowned or even raped to death 31:16 ::all because you possess their bodies 31:19 ::that's terrible for people now now they 31:22 ::were happy to die that's why I possessed 31:25 ::mainly women it was a terrible time to 31:28 ::be alive women think they have it bad 31:30 ::now because men don't put their toilet 31:33 ::seat up but back then there were no 31:35 ::seats and they were the toilets 31:38 ::metaphorically I would assume no men 31:41 ::literally use them as outhouses 31:43 ::okay okay we've gotten off track and 31:46 ::frankly that was disgusting what do you 31:48 ::remember most about your days in Salem 31:50 ::honestly I had a great time during the 31:53 1600s it was really hundred years of 31:56 ::demon Woodstock we experimented with 31:58 ::haunting previously thought impossible 32:00 ::it was at this time we learned to spin 32:03 ::victims heads completely around without 32:05 ::killing them and when the reverse 32:08 ::crab-walk really became in vogue we were 32:12 ::just young demons having the time of our 32:14 ::deaths and just sounds like a fantastic 32:16 ::century well you know we got a run soon 32:19 ::but do you have any advice for a Rob 32:22 ::Zombie as he makes this film I would 32:24 ::tell Rob remember the pain of the times 32:26 ::no one was saying if they were saying 32:29 ::they were too retarded to realize what 32:31 ::was going on it was a time of foul 32:34 ::stretch 32:35 ::foul behavior and foul justice also if 32:38 ::you can please put my character in the 32:40 ::film that would be great 32:42 ::I personally caused 158 women to be 32:45 ::burned at the stake 250 stores seven 32:49 ::women to be drowned and 1080 women to be 32:54 ::raped I actually set the rape record 32:56 ::amongst all demons Wow does that record 32:59 ::holder this day now the ghost of Jerry 33:03 ::Garcia beat me Wow 33:06 ::that is a wonderful bit of tribute for 33:08 ::all of our fans out there and for all of 33:10 ::our deadhead fans as well be sure to 33:12 ::spread the word 33:12 ::what an amazing interview thank you so 33:15 ::much for coming into the studio eg thank 33:17 ::you good bye good bye indeed and mr. 33:20 ::zombie I hope you take into 33:22 ::consideration what we G said oh man what 33:26 ::I miss uh you missed a disgusting demon 33:29 ::coming in uh - frankly scare the holy 33:32 ::living fuck out of me 33:34 ::but you know what we're gonna have him 33:35 ::back again soon hell yeah thank you for 33:37 ::being here we G and that's gonna wrap up 33:39 ::the first podcast on the left yeah hell 33:42 ::yeah Thank You Marcus what a good time 33:44 ::thank you been a wonderful time I'm Ben 33:46 ::Kissel Marcus parks we'll see you next 33:48 ::week and we'll talk more horror things 33:51 ::horror things over things 33:54 ::Music